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Mariam Moawia

Flying the Nest ✈️🌍

Updated: Jan 21, 2023

Saturday, January 14th, 2023


(View from the plane on my way to England, I was very excited to see the pyramids from the top)


I’ve been back in Egypt for slightly more than 3 months now, and as I’m struggling to adjust to being back, I can’t help but think about last year when I was struggling to adjust to being in the UK. Around that same time last year, I was trying to make the decision of whether I should just pack and go back home to finish my MA remotely, or push myself to keep trying and risk facing more difficulties. I hate making decisions, I'm just as bad as Chidi from The Good Place struggling to pick a hat. However, now that it’s been a whole year since then, I couldn’t be more grateful that I chose the latter because if I didn’t, I would have miss out on so much of the experience.


I guess the scariest thing was the silence… I remember the first few days and how overwhelmed I felt whenever I woke up, I always felt incredibly lonely, because my studio was so quiet and I just had to sit with my thoughts. Back home, I was always distracted — whether on purpose or not — and I’ve never actually had the chance to be alone with myself until I experienced this silence for the first time, forcing my to realize how loud my mind could be. One of my favorite series of all time is The End of the F***ing World, because of the beautiful monologues; one specific monologue that has always resonated with me was in season 1 episode 4 “That Was The Day I Learned That Silence Is Really Loud. Deafening. I Think Maybe My Dad Spent His Whole Life Trying To Avoid Silence. When You Have Silence, It's Hard To Keep Stuff Out”.


(Self Portrait of myself laying in bed waiting for any notification to distract me)


Well, that’s the part that no one told me about being independent, living on my own and traveling to a different country. Growing up, I’ve always dreamt about this experience, I’ve always wanted to live on my own and experience living in a different culture, I just wanted to feel like a “strong independent woman”. It was such a glamorous fantasy in my head until it became a reality and turned out to be completely different… all of a sudden I was bombarded with challenges that I had never even expected to think about… Is my omelette cooked or is it still raw? Where can I get change for the launderette? How do I even turn on the hob in my kitchen? How to use a can opener? What’s the difference between purple onions and the brown ones? Which program should I use for the washing machine? Is the heater on? Are the dishes clean enough or should I wash them a third time just in case? How do I separate the trash? What is a TV license and why do I keep getting letters about it even though I don't even own a TV? Which pasta sauce should I get to stay on budget? Where do I dispose the oil I’ve used? How can I post something? Which envelope do I get? What should I write? Which stamp do I get? Which side is the front of the envelope? (Yeah, that was a pretty intense one)… etc



(proudly using the dryer for the first time after stalking an old couple to follow their steps)


After a while of feeling stupid, making some questionable mistakes and learning that it’s okay to ask for help when I don’t know how to do something, I finally figured out the easy part of living on my own, then again I was left with the silence. Being alone with myself meant that I had to deal with things that I’ve been postponing dealing with for years, I had to be honest with myself, and admit things that I’ve ran out of excuses to deny which was absolutely terrifying. Through out the course of my stay, I’ve definitely cried more times than I could count, (I understand now why my neighbor never said good morning) but I’m thankful for the the silence, because it allowed me to reconnect with myself and to actually discover who I am when I’m completely on my own.


Some day, I was doing the dishes and it just hit me “oh my God, I am a strong independent woman”. Washing the dishes used to be a chore that I hated, but somehow it became a symbol of my independence and knowing that I was doing the dishes for myself, because I’m living on my own, made me feel so empowered. I was living the dream! All of those voices telling me that I was so stupid for not knowing things were now challenged by new voiced telling me that I'm a strong independent woman capable of traveling the world on my own.


Flying the nest is scary, it’s exhausting, it’s lonely and quite frustrating, but it’s the only way one can truly get to know themselves, especially in a culture in which women are expected to live at home with their families until they get married. Currently, I feel more authentic to myself than I've ever been, because being away from everyone and everything that I knew, made me able to truly see who I am.


My experience in the UK was fun and exciting, but honestly it was also very tough, intense and action-packed. Every day came with new challenges as well as some pretty bizarre situations (not gonna lie, it was a bit too much character development for just a year), so I definitely have a lot of interesting stories to share. Initially, I was very hesitant to share such personal stories, but since I like to describe myself as a storyteller, I decided to make use of my unique experience and who knows, maybe one day I'll have my own Netflix show "Mariam in Bournemouth".


(Disclaimer: this is obviously not an actual Netflix show, but people always say dream big...)


Tune in next Saturday for more and please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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1 Comment


Mostafa Mohamed
Mostafa Mohamed
Jan 15, 2023

So relatable !

This was my favourite part

Being alone with myself meant that I had to deal with things that I’ve been postponing dealing with for years

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